Saturday, December 19, 2009

Folly...

Twas darker ‘ere than the depths of dawn
and below
the river kept its pace
toward lands beyond my knowing

Amidst the rocks, still reaching up
toward pain and sorrows, small
depressions filled
with crumbled fate
while endless winds kept blowing

As the writhing forces swelled
in mighty song, designed to breach the rise
of struggling hopes
and long kept dreams
left stunned and broken so, I lay
wondering how I came to be
near death beneath these skies

Whose eternal reaches had mystified
and drawn my upturned face
through years of lonely quests
to finally meet myself, my soul
in searing, naked truth

Whose unexplained and beck’ning realms
entranced and bid my journeys
whose captivating, joyous breadth
had loved me since my youth

Yet I’d stayed those rocks through tearing winds
and river’s rage, committed
born of fears and lost in tears
enmeshed in damned desires

Such dire folly had I caused my soul
through those days and nights of searching
straining past my mirror’d soul
to touch those dying fires

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Mars Is All The Rage...

A new friend and an all around great lady, Donna Cunningham, on her website "Skywriter.wordpress.com" posted an article yesterday on Mars in transit. About how everyone was feeling rage these days as it lingers in Leo for a month or so. And how that rage turns to grief the more time goes by.

I posted a response to those intense feelings and talked a little about how I learned to deal with my rage. She wrote me back and suggested that I put it on my blog. I was honored and here it is:


I understand what you're saying about the grief. My wife and I feel it, too. Strongly. But I do not feel the rage, perhaps because I used to be rage many years ago. I recognized it one day shooting pool with someone vastly better than I; I was trying to learn and move up a level and becoming extremely frustrated. I missed a shot and the rage came out. I literally threw my stick on the floor and swore like a sailor - or a cop. My opponent, my teacher, my mentor said to me: "If you ever do that again, we're through playing, you and I!"

I was suddenly dumbstruck with a huge empty feeling in my stomach. No, I thought! I will not lose this opportunity to learn from a genius! And he was. Billiards is a vastly layered game of geometry, touch, feel, consistency and stroke. It is a beautiful game when played correctly.

Something struck me and I reached into my wallet and pulled out a mood card. One of those credit card sized variations on the mood ring. I can't remember where I got it, but I had stuck it deep in my wallet to be forgotten till now. You place your thumb on a certain part of the card and if you're angry, it turns black. If you're feeling good it turns a beautiful shade of blue/green. Much the way a polygraph works measuring heat changes in your skin.

I began to use this card every time I played. If it was black, I breathed deeply and let myself sink. When I got it to turn blue/green, I was ready to start playing again. I used that card until I didn't need it anymore. Much like astrology should be. I knew the signs and I knew when they changed.

Whenever I got that feeling, I held the card in my mind till any hint of anger disappeared, and I haven't been angry in a long time. While reading your post, I was wondering why I didn't seem affected by Mars or the Saturn/Pluto square, and then it came to me. I may be affected by them, buy they don't produce anger. But they do produce the grief you talk about. Maybe I'm lucky, maybe I'm not. Maybe I sublimate any anger that I feel but I don't think so. I feel at peace...

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Faith Uncovered...

When I first came to being spiritual, I accepted Christ as my Savior. I didn't have any problem with that and, although I tried, I just could not fall back when the preacher touched my forehead. I thought there was something wrong with me; my Faith wasn't strong enough - I'm sure because I didn't know what real Faith was - or I was too bad, even for that.

I kept going to different churches for about six months and never fell backwards, never felt a glow when I was supposed to. It was pretty frustrating. I tried Protestant, I tried Lutheran, Evangelism, I even tried Catholicism. That ended for all time when my wife's priest refused to marry us because we didn't attend his church enough. Denise had been going there since she was a child.

I wound my way through different faiths until I was sick and tired of the whole thing; rituals, no you can't have communion, you're a sinner, and the worst, an angry, vengeful God. How could that be? It couldn't, it's ridiculous.

Finally, through my astrology and my search for the Truth, I began to realize that it would be my Truth and no one else's. Everything else was gibberish; I couldn't make hide nor hair of the bible. I think I remember Jesus saying, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, all the rest is rhetoric." The golden rule. It made a lot of sense to me. And it was simple. I loved simple. I believe that Jesus didn't want us to idolize him but rather to realize that he was the example that we should follow. I didn't like being confused, frustrated and being told that I was a sinner. Hell, I knew that! But I no longer wanted to be one. Which is one main reason I hung up my guns.

I was learning about spirit - not religion - and Faith by listening to my own heart. I prayed and I prayed, knees on the floor next to my bed. It felt good but something was missing. I didn't feel right asking for things. Or situations or absolution. If God was a loving, caring God, H/She would understand that without me having to talk about it.

Then I started thinking about Angels and met a few. Not with wings and beautiful glow, but ordinary people who not only helped me at times but actually saved my life on a couple of occasions. I felt very good about that. Then I started running into people or reading their books, who told me about spirit and the Soul. I learned that God was in my heart and that I was God individuated. I learned about the Soul and it's long journey home.

I learned that prayer was something to be lived every day, not just at night or on Sunday. Prayer was a way of living. That made sense to me, too. I had married a lady who knew all these things already and I was changed while being with her. I realized that I was blessed having her and my two, beautiful daughters. And for my life, regardless how hard it got. And it got hard. Really hard. As we passed through those times, I began to understand what Faith was all about. It's not belief, it's Knowing. There's a huge difference.

I found the direct connection between my God and I and it was so, so personal. I never pray to Saints or Goddesses or to Witches - and I had met a few of those; really nice people with the right love in their hearts. I just maintained my connection directly to my God.

And finally, I learned how to ask for things that I needed. That the universe was a reflection of me. My needs, my wants and my glory. I learned about the law of attraction; that how you think determines what and who you encounter. It was a tremendous revelation to me.

I learned to ask God and my Angels for the perfect solution to my situation, whatever it was. I knew that I sure didn't understand everything that I was dealing with, but I knew my God and my Angels did. Since that incredible lesson, I know that whatever I need - not want - the perfect solution would come my way. And it has, every time.

I also know that without Christ, the world is in real trouble. I don't believe that Jesus is going to come back to be on television, I have Faith that the Christ is going to come back as an awakening in our hearts. The knowing that the world needs to continue on in the Light. There are terrible times ahead, we all know that. If we don't we need to pull our heads out of the sand and listen, quietly, to that voice within.